Saturday, April 23, 2011

If it continued… (Spurs v Arsenal)

Wednesday's North London Derby got off to a breakneck start with three goals in the first 12 minutes and ended with Spurs coming back from 3-1 down to earn a draw. The match had a bit of everything and probably should have resulted in a win for Spurs, which brings us to that old question...what if it continued?

97' -- After being taken off at halftime due to injury, Gareth Bale tells the team doctors to step back as he heals himself. They are so impressed by this that none of them realize he hasn't scored a goal since January 1, 2011.

101' -- Nicklas Bendtner's own inability to score finally hits him and clashes with his supreme self-confidence. As he experiences self-doubt for the first time, he spontaneously combusts in a spectacular explosion.

102' -- Andrei Arshavin laughs like a wheezy elf.

113' -- Rafael van der Vaart scores to complete his hat trick, yet continues to be less awesome than his wife Sylvie.

115' -- Arsene Wenger realizes that he needs to change his approach, makes mental note to bring a gun to next match.

120' -- Getting bored with sitting on the bench, Jens Lehmann pops out to fill Wojciech Szczesny's car with asbestos.

124' -- Samir Nasri is confused when he receives a telegram inviting him to play on the LPGA tour. He can't wrap his head around the fact that telegrams still exist.

126' -- William Gallas decides that no matter how much he helps his former club by making "mistakes," they still won't win. He tells Gomes to abort their Spurs sabotage mission, but Gomes has no idea what he's talking about.

130' -- Cesc Fabregas preemptively claims he was misquoted in an interview he will do next month where he repeatedly says on video that Arsene Wenger is dumb and he can't wait to play for Barcelona.

134' -- Getting desperate, Wenger resorts to calling Harry Redknapp a "wheeler dealer."

135' -- Redknapp snaps, claiming that he is "not a wheeler dealer!" The match is abandoned after he beats several members of his own staff with a Wii controller in his blind rage.

Photo: Getty Images

Sarah Michelle Gellar Olivia Munn Melissa Sagemiller Roselyn Sanchez Soft Cell

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