Well hello there.
I see you've caught me playing it cool like a Don Draper or a Mr. Bean. Since Manchester United's match against Chelsea was postponed over the weekend, I knew you would be experiencing some serious Berba-withdrawal. Shaking. Crying. The unshakable feeling of being watched whenever you take a shower or eat dairy products. ... You only feel those things when you know I'm around? Well, I'll take that to mean you appreciate my presence, then. Ha-HA!
Anyway, since you didn't have the chance to revel in the sensual euphoria of watching me unleash my erotic will by scoring goals with ease, I have decided to take you on a sexy adventure. ... No, you can't say no to going on the sexy adventure before you even hear what the sexy adventure is. ... Well, yes, it does involve riding in my carpeted van that smells like underpants and wet dogs. ... Please stop gagging.
Just listen to this Berba-brilliant idea. First, we will enjoy a wonderful holiday picnic of squirrel meat and candy canes outside a strip club that I am no longer invited to enter. Then, we will rub each other's earlobes for several hours while I serenade you with an arousing rendition of "Berba-Bells." And finally, we will retire to a portable toilet and do things that will most definitely involve copious amounts of mayonnaise. Now. Did The Berba just fulfill your Christmas wish or what? Ha-HA!
Oh-OHHH! What was that?! Did you just throw a lump of coal at my head? Oh, that hurt so much! Oh, who carries coal around with them and then throws it at people who invite them on erotic holiday excursions? Oh, that was not the response I expected at all, even though I most definitely should have. Still, I'll pick you up at eight.
Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...
Photo: WENN
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