AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. ERIC CANTONA'S NY COSMOS THRONE -- DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THRONE IN NEW YORK CANTONA?!?!?!?!?! WELL GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!! I HAVE A THRONE TOO!!!!!!!! AND I HAVE FLIP FLOPS!!!!!!!!! THESE AREN'T JUST ORDINARY FLIP FLOPS THOUGH!!!!!! MY GRANDMOTHER BOUGHT THEM FOR ME!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GRANDMOTHER BUYS ME LOTS OF THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. ROBERTO CARLOS' CORNER KICK GOAL -- OHMYGOD IF ROBERTO CARLOS EVER DID THIS TO ME I WOULD SLAM DUNK HIS MUNCHKIN HEAD INTO A BOWL OF MEDICAL WASTE!!!!!!!!!!
3. JUVE'S NEW CHEERLEADERS -- I'M GLAD FIORENTINA DON'T HAVE CHEERLEADERS BECAUSE I WOULD PROBABLY FEEL NERVOUS AROUND THEM AND GET DISTRACTED!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME I MET A CHEERLEADER AND AFTER EIGHT MINUTES OF TALKING TO HER I HAD TO RUN UNTIL I COUGHED UP BLOOD AND ROUNDHOUSE KICKED A STAIRCASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH CHEERLEADERS MAKE ME VERY NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I TOLD YOU IT WAS TAKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW THE CORN HAS INVADED THE WORLD OF SEX TOYS!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU INSERT THIS ANYWHERE EXCEPT AN INCINERATOR THE CORN WILL INFECT YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A VEGETABLE PERVERT!!!!!!!!!! A VEGETABLE PERVERT!!!!!!!!
5. THAT PAINTING OF BECKHAM AS JESUS -- THIS IS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF ANYONE DOES A PAINTING OF LIONEL MESSI AS THE POPE I WILL PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE WITH A WATER HEATER!!!!!!!!!
6. THE MONUMENT FOR THAT OCTOPUS -- IF AN OCTOPUS GETS ALL THAT FOR EATING FOOD OUT OF A BOX I BETTER GET AN EVEN AWESOMER MONUMENT WHEN I DIE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH IT BETTER HAVE BOOBY TRAPS AND EXPLOSIONS OR I'M GOING TO COME BACK AS A ZOMBIE AND MAKE PRANK CALLS TO YOUR PLACES OF BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!
7. PLASTIC SPOONS -- AHHHHHHHHH WHENEVER I TRY TO STAB SOMETHING WITH A PLASTIC SPOON THE SPOON BREAKS AND NOTHING HAPPENS TO THE THING I'M TRYING TO STAB THEN EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ME AND IT BECOMES THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. FOOTBALLERS HAVING A SNOWBALL FIGHT WITH FANS -- I TRIED DOING THIS ONCE BUT EIGHT PEOPLE DIED AND A FEW OTHERS WERE BLINDED FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT TURNS OUT PUTTING LETHAL INJECTION NEEDLES IN SNOWBALLS IS NOT HOW MOST PEOPLE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS TAKING A NAP ON THURSDAY EVENING IN ORDER TO BE WELL RESTED FOR A NIGHT OF SCREAMING AT ANY AIRPLANES THAT MIGHT FLY OVER MY HOUSE WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI APPARENTLY LET HIMSELF INTO MY HOUSE AND WOKE ME UP!!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID HE NEEDED TO BORROW SOME FLOUR FOR WHATEVER NIGHTMARE DISH HE WAS PLANNING ON SERVING HIS GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!! I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FLOUR BUT I DID HAVE SEVERAL RACCOON PELTS THAT MIGHT DO THE JOB!!!!!!!!! HE SAID "NO THANKS" THEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO JOIN THEM FOR DINNER!!!!!!!! I SAID I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE LOVELY BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I PLAN ON BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND PUTTING A NEW BAG OF FLOUR IN IT!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THEY FIND A HUMAN THUMB IN THE BAG AND SUE THE COMPANY FOR A MILLION EUROS!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: ArturBoruc.com
Nelly Furtado Leeann Tweeden Bali Rodriguez Izabella Miko Cameron Diaz
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