AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. THIS KID -- HIS HAND IS ALL STICKY AND HE KEEPS MAKING SNIDE REMARKS ABOUT ME UNDER HIS BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF HE KEEPS SMILING AT ME LIKE THIS I'M GOING TO TELL HIM THAT WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM ALSO FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY GENERIC KIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. TIM HOWARD CALLING THE GOLD CUP CEREMONY A F***ING DISGRACE -- I FULLY SUPPORT MY FELLOW GOALKEEPERS WHO ARE ALSO ANGRY ABOUT THINGS BUT HOWARD SHOULD HAVE USED A MORE ORIGINAL PHRASE TO EXPRESS HIS FURY!!!!!!!!!!! OR MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE SET HIMSELF ON FIRE AND PUNCHED A WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I JUST DID THAT MYSELF AND FOUND IT VERY REWARDING!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. THE RIVER PLATE RIOT -- WHY DOES THIS NEVER HAPPEN WHERE I LIVE?!??!!?!?!?!??! ONLY SEEING MAYHEM LIKE THIS ON YOUTUBE IS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!! TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I INVITED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE OVER THE RIOT AT MY HOUSE ONCE AND ALL THEY DID WAS STEAL STUFF ON URINATE ON EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- IF YOU EAT AT A RESTAURANT THAT SERVES CORN YOU ARE PLAYING INTO ITS KERNELS OF TERROR!!!!!!!!!!! THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE CORN ON THE MENU YOU SHOULD SCREAM ACCUSATIONS OF SUPPORTING THE ENSLAVEMENT OF HUMANITY IN THE WAITER'S FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN SPRINT THROUGH A WALL BEFORE THEY HAVE YOU ARRESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. CAMERAMAN ON CAMERAMAN VIOLENCE -- HITTING PEOPLE WITH A TELEVISION CAMERA IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!! WRONG!!!!!!!!!! STILL THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF DOING BEFORE AND MIGHT HAVE TO TRY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! SO THANKS FOR THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. NORTH KOREA BLAME LOSS ON LIGHTNING STRIKE -- THIS IS WEAKSAUCE!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF TIMES AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE USED IT AS AN EXCUSE FOR MY SHORTCOMINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO CREDIT IT FOR THE SUPER POWERS THAT I EXPECT IT TO ONE DAY GIVE ME THOUGH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE I GET X-RAY VISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. MEXICO'S HOOKER PARTY -- BAD DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU DON'T INVITE HOOKERS BACK TO YOUR PLACE!!!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD ONLY INVITE WOMEN YOU MEET AT A LOCAL DOMINO'S PIZZA WITH THE PROMISE THAT YOU'LL STRAIGHTEN THEIR HAIR WHILE NOT WEARING A SHIRT!!!!!!!!!! IT WORKS EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!
8. ABBONDANZIERI TACKLING HIS OWN SON IN A CHARITY MATCH -- I WOULD TACKLE HIS SON TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON BUT JUST BECAUSE I GET THE URGE TO TACKLE THINGS SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT GOOD WHEN IT HAPPENS AT CHURCH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO LAST WEEK I AGREED TO GO ON A FUN TRIP TO ZURICH WITH MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPED HE WOULDN'T MAKE ME SIT NEXT TO THE BOY GOOBER KID ON THE RIDE THERE BECAUSE HE SMELLS LIKE CATS AND MUSHROOMS BUT GUESS WHAT?!!??!?!?!?! I ACTUALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO HIM!!!!!!!! INSTEAD I SAT UP FRONT WITH DAN WHILE HE DROVE AND TOLD AWFUL JOKES ABOUT KNOCKING ON DOORS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE ASKED ME IF I THOUGHT THEY WERE FUNNY AND I SAID "YES!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WISH I COULD HEADBUTT THESE IMAGINARY DOORS JUST LIKE I DO HIS REAL ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY WE JUST GOT TO ZURICH YESTERDAY AND SO FAR WE'VE ONLY BEEN TO CHURCHES AND MUSEUMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE I FIND FIFA HEADQUARTERS BEFORE DAN GIVES US ALL DIABETES WITH ALL THE CHOCOLATE HE KEEPS BUYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Saira Mohan Brittny Gastineau Ashley Tisdale Rachel Blanchard Sienna Guillory
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