Perhaps fatigued by the weeks of drama or maybe just bored with playing the same team over and over again, the fifth and final Clasico of the season was relatively quiet. A 1-1 draw was enough to put Barcelona in the Champions League final on a 3-1 aggregate score and the absence of the banned Jose Mourinho eliminated one of the main sources of boiling emotions. Still, just as we did for the first leg, we really, truly must ask one last question...what if it continued?
97' --Lionel Messi giggles and literally runs circles around Real Madrid before scoring a goal. He then gets bored and wanders off the pitch in search of the new Lego set that Pep Guardiola hides in the stadium for him on every match day.
101' -- Lassana Diarra blacks out from a crippling migraine after constantly wondering why Real Madrid gave him the No. 10 shirt.
106' -- Sergio Busquets shouts "monkey, monkey!" in the general direction of several Real Madrid players. He's not being racist though, he is just having hallucinations of actual monkeys on the pitch induced by constantly falling down and clutching his face.
112' -- Referee Frank de Bleeckere disallows a Real Madrid goal even though Barcelona have had the ball for 20 minute straight. He decides to make the score 2 to -14. Xavi declares this a victory for football.
118' -- Frustrated by his inability to take the spotlight in this tie, Cristiano Ronaldo begins caressing his shoulders and pretending to make out with someone in the center of the pitch. Several yards away, Javier Mascherano falls to the ground clutching his ankle.
123' -- Gerard Pique discovers that he doesn't have veins, just random streams of blood shooting through his body.
129' -- Jimmy Jump invades the pitch for a second time and sprints right at Pep Guardiola. He tries to put a red hat on Pep, but Guardiola sidesteps him pulls off Jimmy Jump's disguise to reveal him to be Jose Mourinho. Stunned by this discovery, he is left paralyzed as Mourinho puts the hat on his shiny head and runs off, cackling maniacally as stewards give chase.
134' -- Frightened by the hallucinations and shamed by the constant mocking, Busquets vows to never fall down clutching his face again. Pepe then appears out of nowhere and kicks him square in the face. Busquets cries. Not from the pain, but from the paralyzing indecision over how to react.
138' -- The match is abandoned when UEFA officials rule that the combination of rain and Iker Casillas tears have made the pitch unplayable. The score is 2 to negative infinity.
140' -- Pep Guardiola hugs Lionel Messi inappropriately.
Photo: AP
Ashley Greene April Scott Mia Kirshner Elisabeth Röhm Lily Allen
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