Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep...

Franck Ribery

Things have not been coming up Franck of late. ... I remember when I was awesome -- playing well, playing pranks on people, banging underage prostitutes, hanging out with Luca Toni. ... Now, everyone thinks I'm a scumbag, my pranks don't work anymore, Luca Toni is gone and my knee is busted. ... This is not a good time. ... Maybe I should finally move on and pursue nude modeling. ... Maybe I should find Luca and stage that live version of Gilligan's Island we always talked about. ... Maybe I should find some more underage prostitutes. ... Yes. I'll find some more underage prostitutes...

Giuseppe Biava

I knew there wasn't a sandwich in here. 

Gouramangi Singh

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT TO LOSE TO ME IN A THUMB WAR? WHO WILL BE THE NEXT TO DINE IN A REINCARNATED BODY?

Sanharib Malki

OK. ... Something has gone wrong here. ... If this is my leg, then this is really, really bad because I don't remember being able to kick myself in the head like this before. ... If this isn't my leg, then some other idiot is kicking me in the face instead of kicking the ball. ... If that's the case, then I'm going to beat the snot out of him after I wake up from what will surely be a long spell of unconsciousness. ... If it is my leg, I'll probably just scream. ... Again, something has gone terribly wrong here...

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, confidence at Chelsea is low. This is a sad f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Benfica are asking for way too much money for David Luiz. That's a greedy f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou squeezed really hard when he shook my hand today like he was trying to prove he's better than me or something. That's a mind-gamey f***ing disgrace. ... Then I realized Kitier Katba is looking even fatter after the holidays. That's an obese f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably eat human hair like spaghetti cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

Photos: AP, Reuters, Getty

Sanaa Lathan Ana Beatriz Barros Maria Menounos Shakira Leslie Bibb