AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. YOU -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME!??!?!??!?! HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE WAKE UP ON A PIECE OF WOOD AFTER A NIGHT OF DRINKING PAINT THINNER AND ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THE SUN FIGHT THEM AT NIGHT?!?!?!? STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!! STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!
2. NICKLAS BENDTNER'S SUPERHUMAN CONFIDENCE -- YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FEEL THAT GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNTIL YOU START SCORING 40 GOALS A SEASON AND TEACHING PUPPIES HOW TO READ YOU MUST HAVE DOUBTS AND SELF-LOATHING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!! THINK OF THE PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!
3. PIQUE AND SHAKIRA -- THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME AND TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO CRUEL!?!?!?!??!?!!??!
4. CORN -- DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE CORN'S ATTEMPTS TO HOODWINK US!!!!!!! IT MAY LOOK LIKE IT'S LIFELESS AND DELICIOUS BUT IT IS NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS!!!!!!!! NEITHER!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD TELL YOU TO PROTECT YOURSELF BUT THE CORN IS PROBABLY ALREADY IN YOUR HOME AND PLOTTING YOUR DEATH AS YOU READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GUESSING IT WILL INVOLVE SCALDING HOT BUTTER AND MAYBE SOME SEA SALT!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!! STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND RUN ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
5. ZURICH FANS' GENE SIMMONS DISPLAY -- AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!! I TRIED TO PULL MY OWN TONGUE OUT OF MY MOUTH WITH A STICK ONCE AND IT RESULTED IN A MASSIVE BLOOD LOSS AND A LONG HOSPITAL STAY!!!!!!!!! I SENT THE VIDEO TO GENE SIMMONS BUT HE NEVER TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LIKED IT!!!!!!!!! I BET HE SHOWS IT TO HIS FRIENDS WHENEVER HE HAS DINNER PARTIES!!!!!!!!!!
6. GOALKEEPER SENT OFF IN 10 SECONDS -- THIS IS DISGRACEFUL!!!!!!!!! IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET SENT OFF THAT FAST AT LEAST MAKE IT WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!! SET SOMEONE ON FIRE AND THEN TRY TO PUT THEM OUT BY REPEATEDLY DROPKICKING THEM IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH BUT DON'T DO THAT EXACTLY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I PLAN TO DO IN MY FINAL MATCH BEFORE RETIRING!!!!!!!!!!!
7. DAVID BECKHAM RESCUING MOTORISTS -- HOW COME WHEN DAVID BECKHAM SAVES A MOTORIST PEOPLE SAY THEY LOVE HIM BUT WHEN I TRY TO THROW CARS INTO THE OCEAN PEOPLE CALL ME A FREAK AND TELL ME TO STOP?!?!?!?!?!?!? I SMELL A DOUBLE STANDARD!!!!!!!! AND MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!
8. THE FOOTBALLER WHO TRIED TO MAKE THE REF EAT HIS WHISTLE -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!??!?!?!? RATIONAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS!!!!!!!!!! BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AND JUST THREATEN VIOLENCE AGAINST THE REF THEN GO HOME AND HEADBUTT YOUR OVEN FOR HOURS!!!!!!!! HOURS!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS TRYING TO BUILD A DOLL THAT CONTINUOUSLY SCREAMS AND CAN'T BE TURNED OFF WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER!!!!!!!!!! I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED SOME COFFEE AND HE SAID "SURE" AND THEN I SAID "WELL GO GET SOME AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!" I TRIED TO GET BACK TO WORK ON THE DOLL BUT HE SAID THAT IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLANS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY I COULD JOIN HIM AND HIS GOOBER KIDS FOR DINNER!!!!!!! I SAID "THAT SOUNDS LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WOULD RATHER HAVE A PLATE OF SYPHILIS AS MY VALENTINE THAN ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THE DINNER IS UNDERCOOKED AND GIVES EVERYONE WORMS!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: MaleMen
Erica Leerhsen Angela Marcello Paz Vega Rebecca Mader Eva Green
No comments:
Post a Comment